Holiday Guide to Self Care: How to Reduce Stress During the Holiday Season

Holiday Guide to Self Care: How To Reduce Stress During the Holiday Season

The holiday season regardless of who and how you celebrate is to put it nicely extremely stressful. Everything from finding the perfect gift to spending time with our families tends to leave us worn out and stressed. So what can we do to help us sleigh the holidays? The answer is simply to engage in self-care.  Self-care if you are unfamiliar with the term simply means doing nice things for yourself. It is easy to get caught up in the chaos of our lives to neglect ourselves and our mental health. By engaging in self-care you are making a conscious decision to push pause on your life and take a break from the stress. This means different things to different people so here are some general ideas about what could be included in your daily self-care routine.

Daily Self Care Ideas

  • Cooking

  • Doing a face mask

  • Exercising

  • Listening to your favorite music or podcast

  • Journaling

5 Rules about Self Care

  1. It should not stress you out more

  2. It does not have to cost a lot of money

  3. It should be realistic for you

  4. It is not selfish

  5. It takes time to find what works for you

That is all fine and dandy but with multiple holidays crammed in from November January how could you possibly find the time to do another thing on your to-do list? It’s the little things, self-care does not have to derail your holiday plans.  Scale it back a little and allow yourself a moment to sneak away to indulge in one of grandma’s sugar cookies while the fam debates which news network is the “best”.

Holiday Music

Make a playlist of your favorite holiday songs and really sit and listen. By disconnecting and really paying attention to the melody or words you are engaging in “active listening”. This just means you are listening with a clear mind and allowing the song to evoke an emotional response from your brain. This could bring back memories from when you were a kid caroling or remember this is a loved one who is past favorite song. The music is all around us during the holidays but it is changing the way we listen to help change the way we feel.


A special time of year means special traditions around food. Push pause here by really focusing on the taste of granny’s fudge or making a special recipe with your kids. Food also has a connection to the brain where tastes and smells can change our moods. These parts of our brains are connected to memory so focus on the positive and enjoy the love and connection that food brings.

Take a break

You might need to take a break from the festivities, and that is OKAY. Take a walk, remove yourself if you feel like the conversation heading where you are uncomfortable, or play with the kids. The holidays can be fast-paced and exhausting so if you need to sneak off for a quick nap or leave a tense situation to run to the store to get cranberry sauce do it. Some situations we cannot avoid but we do have power about how we deal with the negativity and stress.

Holiday drinks

Warm drinks at a cold time of year are just comforting, and often the conversations and connections over coffee or cider are ones we treasure. Push pause on the holiday stress and grab a glass of your favorite holiday beverage. For that five minutes remind yourself the world is not going to come crashing down while you take a break


Serving other people during the season of giving is a great way to push pause on the tension of holidays and give back. You could collect coats or canned good and donate them or “adopt” a child for Christmas from a local school. Volunteering allows us to reclaim the joy of the season and allows us to take a step back and realize the holidays are about love and connection to people.

Jennifer Roberts, CSW, is a therapist at Compass Counseling in Paducah.  If you or a loved one needs help learning skills for self care give us a call at 270-777-4490 in Paducah or 270-215-4000 in Owensboro.

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Part 3: What is the Process to Start Marriage Counseling & How Much Is It?

Marriage counseling is a deal compared to whatever the cost of the alternative is, whether that is living together in an unhealthy, unhappy marriage or divorce.

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Questions About Therapy Part 2: What Are the Letters Behind My Therapist's Name?

One of the questions that we receive is what do all of the letter mean behind my therapist or counselors name and why are they important?

It can be confusing.  One of the most important reasons why it is important to know about the letters behind your therapists name is because it can be a resource for you.  The letters are not going to guarantee that the therapist is the right fit for you. However, understanding the letters can be helpful when you are making a decision about working with a therapist.  

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Questions About Therapy Part 1: What is a Therapeutic Technique?

“Therapeutic Techniques”  are skills used by therapists to work with a client to meet their agreed upon goals. These “techniques” vary from therapist to therapist based upon their area of expertise and training.  Your therapist is trained to know how to use many techniques and may use some or a variety of these in your counseling appointment. These techniques listed are common in therapy, here is some basic information so you can understand more about them.


Psychoeducation is a term used when a therapist or other mental health professional provides you with information about anything “psychological.”  This can include things like the changes that occur during childhood development, features of a panic attack or what to expect at different points of recovery from addiction.  Psychoeducation is meant to give additional information to you so you may have a better understanding of what you or a loved one is experiencing. It can also help you know what to expect in the future and what may be helpful in getting relief and setting goals for yourself.   

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5 Ways to Support Those Struggling with Depression

1.  Be there for them

Often depression doesn’t make sense. People struggling with depression may voice self-depreciating thoughts when you may think their life seems pretty perfect. But now would not be the time to say that. Sit with them while they cry, hold their hand, tell them how much they mean to you, ask how you can help them. 


·     It’s all in your head.

·     We all go through times like this.

·     Look on the bright side.

·     You have so much to live for.

·     Just snap out of it.

·     What’s wrong with you?

DO Say

·     You are not alone in this. I am here for you.

·     You may not believe this now, but the way you are feeling will change.

·      I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.

·     When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute – whatever you can manage.

·     You are important to me.

·     Tell me what I can do now to help you.

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2.  Don’t Judge or Criticize

Telling someone with depression how they need to think or feel will only alienate them. What you say can have a huge impact on your loved one. Don’t assume they can just snap out of it. If this were the case, 

3.  Learn as much as you can about depression.

The more you understand depression’s symptoms, the better you can support your loved one. 

4.  Be Patient.

When you are patient with a loved one struggling with depression, you are communicating that it doesn’t matter how long it takes or how involved the treatments will be, because you will be there with them. 

5.  Don’t minimize their pain.

Comments such as “Why do you let every little thing bother you?” shame a person with depression. It invalidates what they may be experiencing and glosses over the fact that they are struggling. 

      Sometimes it feels like supporting someone with depression is a little bit like walking a tight rope. It’s hard to know the right thing to say, or not to say. But just remember that simply being there for them and asking how you can help can be an incredible gift.

What is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This evidenced based practice is a treatment modality which has a high success rate when treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). An abbreviated description of PTSD according the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV’s indicates that the person experiences a traumatic event, the event is persistently re-experienced by the individual through multiple ways such as intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, there is an avoidance of trauma related reminders, negative thoughts and arousal/reactivity worsen following the traumatic experience, these symptoms last longer than one month, and they impair one’s ability to function in some important area of their life(Force, DSM-IV, Frances, & Association, 2000). More than half of women and men report experiencing at least one traumatic event in their lifetime, meaning an experience that exceeds the person’s present ability to cope. One way to conceptualize trauma is what we might call big “T” traumas  like sexual assault, natural disaster, traumatic loss of a loved one and little “T” like the recurring mis-attunements between caregiver and child, loss of a relationship, repeated experiences of neglect, or being embarrassed at work. The experience of trauma is very subjective based on each individual. It is estimated that approximately 12% of adult women have experienced completed rape and that twice as many women have experienced childhood sexual abuse than adult rape. Sexual abuse is a strong predictor of PSTD for both men and women. (Van Der Kolk et al, 2007).

            In a ground breaking study by Bessel Van Der Kolk et al. in 2007 they found EMDR to be significantly more effective at treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) than medication or the control group and had longer lasting positive effects. After only three sessions of EMDR 58% of the participants were symptom free six months later compared to zero of the participants who had received the medication, Fluoxetine (Van Der Kolk et al, 2007). According to the EMDR Institute’s Website, more than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy.  Some of the studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions.  Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100% of the single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions.

As quoted from the EMDR Institute’s Website, 

“There has been so much research on EMDR therapy that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization and the Department of Defense. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR therapy would be effective in treating the “everyday” memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy. Over 100,000 clinicians throughout the world use the therapy and millions of people have been treated successfully over the past 25 years.” (

We know that EMDR is helpful for many people experiencing PTSD symptomology which may include symptoms of anxiety, depression, anger, grief and low self-worth, but what is it exactly? Dr. Francine Shapiro, the creator of EMDR, reports walking through the park one day and observing that some disturbing thoughts and stress reactions she was having seemed to suddenly dissipate while her eyes inadvertently swept back and forth. This experience led her to coin the term bilateral stimulation. On a basic level bilateral stimulation means alternating activation between the two hemispheres of the brain. This can be done through eye movement as well as tactile or auditory stimulation. Through the combination of bilateral stimulation and elements of cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR can often help individuals process their trauma to resolution and release the overwhelming negative emotions, sensations, and cognitions attached to the memory. 

According to the EMDR Institute,

“After the clinician has determined which memory to target first, he or she asks the client to hold different aspects of that event or thought in mind and to use his or her eyes to track the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across the client’s field of vision.  As this happens, for reasons believed by a Harvard researcher to be connected with the biological mechanisms involved in Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the clients begin to process the memory and disturbing feelings and likely moving the memory into a different part of the brain by activating channels of associations between memories. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events are transformed on an emotional, cognitive, and somatic level.  For instance, a rape victim shifts from feeling horror and self-disgust to holding the firm belief that, “I survived it and I am strong” and when they scan their body the body agrees with that statement. Unlike talk therapy, the insights clients gain in EMDR therapy result not so much from clinician interpretation, but from the client’s own accelerated intellectual and emotional processes.  The net effect is that clients conclude EMDR therapy feeling empowered by the very experiences that once debased them.  Their wounds have not just closed, they have transformed. As a natural outcome of the EMDR therapeutic process, the clients’ thoughts, feelings and behavior are all robust indicators of emotional health and resolution—all without speaking in detail or doing homework used in other therapies.” (

This does not mean that the individuals forget their trauma, but by being able to process the trauma in a safe environment, individuals often feel as if the trauma has less power over them and that the traumatic experience feels more securely placed in the past. This can allow the person to live more in the present moment unburdened by pervasive negative cognitions relating to the self.  

Before any type of trauma processing, be it through EMDR or through the creation of a trauma narrative, it is important to make sure that the individual feels regulated and resourced enough to tolerate this exposure. For this reason EMDR protocol also includes many resourcing strategies such as safe place instillation, grounding exercises, and resource enhancement techniques. This can also incorporate other forms of resourcing and coping skills training such as diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness techniques, essential oils, biofeedback, and expressive arts to meet each individual client’s need.

To learn about other types of techniques in counseling check out our blog post

If you are interested in learning more about EMDR or receiving EMDR therapy for yourself or a loved one please contact Jill Terhune, Ed.S., L.P.C.C. at Compass Counseling at 270-777-4490.


Van Der Kolk et al., B. (2007). A Randomized Clinical Trial of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Fluoxetine, and Pill Placebo in the Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Treatment Effects and Long-Term Maintenance. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry68,

Force, the T., DSM-IV, Frances, A., & Association, the A. P. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders DSM-IV-TR                                                          (4th ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.




















Back to School Anxiety

“Back to school”…the dreaded 3 word phrase that for many parents conjures up images of alarm clocks sounding and frantic mornings, shopping carts full of school supplies, backpacks, lunch boxes, etc.  

Or perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who loves shopping for crayons and prepares for the new season ahead with enthusiasm.  Parents don’t all feel the same way about the end of summer and of course, kids also approach the start of a new school year differently.  If your child shows signs of being anxious about the new year here are a few tips to help.

1)  Take advantage of school orientation sessions.  

It helps the child to see the classroom(s) and meet the new teacher.  Be sure to tell your child it’s ok to ask questions.  Model that yourself by asking the teacher questions about the daily routine and special activities.  Walk the path from the classroom to the bus line or pick-up area with your child.  

2)  Teach or practice social skills a week or so before school starts.  

Does your child feel comfortable greeting people and introducing himself?  Go over topics like taking turns, using table manners, and having empathy for other students.  Don’t be tempted to rush in to help your child with every situation, but teach them the skills they need so they build mastery and self-confidence.  

3)  Reassure your child that the things that are important to him are important to you

Hug your child before and after school, ask about their highs and lows from the day, ask who they ate lunch with and who they played with at recess.  You are their safety net, and not all children will share openly, but it’s up to parents to take the lead and show interest in the everyday stuff. It strengthens your bond when they share the details of their days. When they get older they will be less likely to pull away if communication patterns are already strong. 

4)  Contact your school guidance counselor.

If there have been any changes in the family over the summer make the school counselor aware of them. If your child is anxious about the start of school, ask the counselor to allow him to come by the office for a short break or even call you from the office during lunch if the child needs reassurance during the day.  If your child does not adjust to the change within 5-6 weeks consider play therapy after school.  There are tools kids can learn through play therapy sessions that allow the child to express their emotions and build effective coping skills.  

5)  Give kids opportunities for exercise and fun after school.  

The school day is rigorous for early Elementary aged children, and there aren’t enough opportunities for them to be active.  Encourage outside play time or sports for fun (rather than competition) for physical and mental health benefits.  Exercise promotes healthy brain development and decreases symptoms of anxiety in children. 

6)  Ensure your child is getting proper sleep and nutrition. 

Sleep and nutrition are vital to your child’s development.  Seven to ten days before the start of school begin implementing a nightly routine to help your child relax before bed.  He should get to bed early enough that he can wake up to his alarm with sufficient time to get ready for school and have a healthy breakfast. Call your child’s physician if you need guidelines on the amount of sleep needed for his age.  





Marriage Insurance...Premarital Counseling

What if there was an insurance policy that you could take out to reduce the potential of divorce by 30%.  Is this an investment that you would make or encourage your children or grandchildren to make? Premarital counseling can help you prepare better for a lifelong relationship.  As certified Prepared/Enrich facilitators, we are trained specifically to help couples assess where they are, expose idealism, and build confidence about their future. 

Here is a brief description of the program from the Prepare/Enrich website:

“Prepare/Enrich has helped millions of couples prepare for marriage.  PREPARE/ENRICH is the leading relationship inventory and skill-building program used nationally and internationally. Built on a solid foundation of 35+ years of research, it has been shown to significantly improve a couple’s relationship. The PREPARE/ENRICH online assessment is customized to a couple’s relationship stage and structure and provides certified facilitators with a detailed report on the couple’s strength and growth areas.”

When a couple calls to schedule for premarital counseling and choose the options for the assessment including the standard version, or Biblical version, they will receive a link to an online assessment that each person will complete prior to their first session with the therapist.  Upon completion of the individual assessments the couple’s trained therapist will receive and interpret the report for Prepare/Enrich and create a customized experience for each couple based on their strengths and potential areas of growth.  

When the couple arrives for their first appointment, their therapist has reviewed their customized assessment and is ready to work with that couple on seeing more than the marriage fantasy.  The pre-marital sessions will focus on strengths and provide the couple with a clear picture of how to work on the parts of their lives that matter the most to them. 

Our goal at the end of your premarital education is to help prepare you for a more successful marriage.  You will learn how to identify your strengths, learn how to have conversations about the important things in your lives, and improve your relationship skills.   

If you would like more information on Premarital Counseling at Compass Counseling please call 270-777-4490 in Paducah or 270-215-4000 in Owensboro.   You can also visit us on Facebook @mycompasscounseling for upcoming events and office information.